The Most Scathing and Mean Review Ever

'Ello, folks, Ouranos here to share something that I snickered at... maaaaaybe a little more than I should've, haha.

Let me just ask first, though; have you ever heard ex-Venom guitarist Mantas's solo project? For anyone who hasn't heard of it, Mantas and friends - a different group of friends each time - released two albums; Winds of Change in 1988 and Zero Tolerance in 2005. As far as the music goes, WoC was American-style power metal, and ZT was more in the nu-metal style. Personally, I found them to be like really bad versions of Foreigner and Fear Factory respectively; and no, it's not just because of the fact that I happen to dislike Mantas as a person, the music genuinely wasn't worth listening to. However, I saw that these albums were actually quite decently recieved in terms of reviews online, so I began to wonder if maybe it was just me who didn't like them.

By the looks of things, though, it really isn't just me who's not a fan of Mantas's solo efforts; and that leads me to what it is I came to share today. Everyone, may I present to you what I reckon may actually be the most scathing and mean review ever; a review written by Metal Archives' demonomania.

For those who don't feel like clicking the link, the review basically details demonomania's vision of how Mantas - referred to in this review by all sorts of colourful names, my favourites of which have got to be Man-tits, Man-ass and Manatee - got his band together after hearing a bargain bin copy of Psalm 69, only to throw ZT's release party and be met with the sight of absolutely no-one showing up; so Man-tits-- er, Mantas, is left to go to sleep at night consoling himself on his 'greatness'... to the tune of an inner voice that 'kept whispering in a strong Cockney accent, "It ain’t true.”' This thing manages to tear down everything from the lyrics to the guitar riffs with a viciousness and humour that can only be described as wonderful; this little summary here doesn't even come close to explaining the hilarity of the review's wording and general set-up, so I'd highly encourage anyone to give it a read for themselves!

~ Ouranos